Nonverbal Communication

Something I learned many years ago in a Communication Studies course in college has always stuck with me: “You cannot not communicate.” If we are in a room with another person, we are communicating something, even if we never utter a word. And if we do speak, much of the meaning of our message is found outside of the words that we choose. An oft-quoted study by A. Mehrabian found that much of the meaning in face-to-face communication is found not in the verbal cues (the actual words we use) but in our vocal cues (how we say the words), and our facial expressions and body language.

I don’t focus a great deal on statistics in my communication seminars, but I always manage to share the results of this particular study. How much of the meaning is found to be in the words we use? Only 7%. What about the vocal cues (the tone, pitch, emphasis, and quality of your voice)? That adds another 38% of the meaning. Have you ever had someone say to you that it wasn’t what you said, but how you said it? I can hear myself saying that to my teenage son when he’s giving me attitude! This leaves us with a whopping 55% of our message coming from our nonverbal behaviors. These include facial expressions, eye contact, body posture and motions, and positioning in relation to other people. This is why whenever we don’t trust someone, we watch them very carefully; we are trying to pick up clues as to whether they are telling the truth or not. One can lie with words, but it’s difficult to lie nonverbally. When in doubt, trust what you see over what you hear.

In this age of email and texting, it’s no wonder we have a lot of misunderstandings among colleagues as well as friends. If you are communicating via email, the recipients of your messages don’t have a whole lot to go on – 7% of what they would get from you in person! It’s very easy to be misunderstood in an email – even if you rely on emoticons. ☺ I resist texting for that reason. I’d rather get you to answer your phone, so I can possibly gain another 38%!

It’s not surprising that the area of nonverbal communication is so well researched. There’s a tremendous amount of information to be garnered from focusing on people’s nonverbal behavior. Most of us spend about 75 percent of our waking hours communicating our knowledge, thoughts, and ideas to others. However, we fail to realize that a great deal of that communication is non-verbal as opposed to oral and written. We read other people’s nonverbal communication all the time and most of us are good at it. But what about the messages you send through your nonverbal behavior? Are you aware of how people are reading you?